First off, the article says, “People who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250% more likely to have throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex, a new study suggests.”

I’ll note the word “People.” Alas, people are men and women. Alexis writes as if the issue affects women only. She even concludes with “Girls, take care of your bits and pieces.”

Wearing condoms during oral sex on a man, though unlikely to receive an enthusiastic response from anyone, will likely offer protection. Oral sex on a woman is another issue. I mean, yes, there are oral dams, and you can cut a condom open and use that as a barrier. This has been on every safe sex brochure for the past ten years. Two things I’ll note: 1) I’ve never seen oral dams next to the condoms at Walgreens. 2) I’ve never known anyone to actually cut up a condom to use during oral sex.

Now for shame-on-alexis: She says, “Did I mention there’s no cure for HPV, either?” What’s always amazed me about STD facts is how they change. The fact WAS that once you were infected with HPV, you carried it forever. Now, some researchers believe that those infected often clear the virus over a period of years. (Surprisingly, some researchers are saying the same about herpes.) Now, I’m not saying this is the case; simply that there is debate.

Now for shame-on-herb: “If you really love giving oral, which I commend you on, find a guy and get everyone tested, problem solved. “If you really love giving oral, which I commend you on, find a guy and get everyone tested, problem solved.” Herb, you weren’t listening. There is no text to detect HPV in men. Also, this is directed strictly at women, which gets back to my first point. Besides, as Alexis pointed out, at least half the population will contract it at some point. That’s going to limit the partner pool.

Now, I’m not out here bashing sex columnists. Herb, the offer to buy you a beer still stands. Alexis, though we’ve never met, I extend that offer to you as well. I think there are two key things to keep in mind here.

1. We should be getting girls vaccinated and we should find out whether it’s a good idea to do the same for boys.

2. For years, the biggest way to protect against cervical cancer from HPV has been an annual exam. Catch it early, and the problem is treatable. Should we be doing a similar exam for throat cancer? The article says, “The new results could promote the development of spit tests for HPV infection to help identify people at high risk for these cancers, researchers say.”